Attachment Theory: Notes, Articles & Resources

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Attachment Theory: Notes, Articles & Resources

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Articles

One Attachment Style Test

Attachment Style Mini-Questionnaire

Episode #35 of the Shameless Sex Podcast: Relationship Lab - Attachment Theory With Philippe Lewis. Why do some of us push our partners away? And why do some of us want to pull and grasp? Tune in to learn more on iTunes or Google Play:

A brief article on attachment theory

Click the title for the rest of the resources!

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Get Stubborn With It: A Relationship Manifesto

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Get Stubborn With It: A Relationship Manifesto

“The line between madness and stubbornness is a very thin one.” ~Philippe Lewis

You want your relationship to work? You don’t know if you should stay together? Get stubborn. Stop the whining. Take a stand for your commitment. It doesn’t matter if you made it near an isolated lake with five thousand humping frogs in chorus or in front of two hundred of your closest friends and relatives. You made it. You spoke your word. Is your commitment that small that you would leave now that things have gotten hard? And by hard, I don’t mean, “We’re fighting over domestic duties again. We’re not having enough sex. We wish we had money”. By hard, I mean your soul has been gutted from your body and you’re looking for a triple-soul-bypass. That’s hard.

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Some thoughts on why people hurt people...

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Some thoughts on why people hurt people...

…and what might be done about it.

by Rain Phutureprimitive (reposted with permission)

🖤Nearly everyone has experienced trauma or wounding in their lives. Left unhealed, this can lead to all kinds of behavior, choices, actions, emotional states, unconscious survival patterns and illnesses that end up lowering the quality of our lives and negatively impacting those around us.

🖤Every person on this planet has a different threshold for, and response to, traumatic events. What is traumatic for one person may go unnoticed by another. If it landed as traumatic to the person in question, then it was traumatic for them. Likewise, what can trigger this unhealed wounding is also different for each person. The fact that it may or may not make sense to you is irrelevant to the fact that, for them, they may be reliving unhealed wounding and may not even be aware of it.

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Childhood PTSD is no jokes, regardless of your background

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Childhood PTSD is no jokes, regardless of your background

I’m not sure where to start with this...it’s so close to my heart for many reasons. I grew up in a crazy level of privilege in terms of the race, gender, and socio-economic status of my town and school...and my family was one of the poorest in our town. So I supposed “rich-poor” would describe it.

Watching my classmates have every possible opportunity while I wondered why I couldn’t seem to function, even with a great education and many things paid for just by being a part of the town I grew up in...yet I couldn’t seem to understand why I was so...different. ADHD? Anxiety? Depression? Was I just lazy? After 30 years of bad choices and a few good ones, and MANY mixed feelings, I discovered that I had C-PTSD.

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The Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Dance

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The Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Dance

The non-clinical population has an even amount of male and female people with anxious attachment, as well as those with avoidant attachment. The differences in gender are nuanced, but for the sake of understanding attachment from a human perspective, it’s important to step outside of the need to separate men and women’s differences, and step into the human nervous system free of gender distinctions...from there we can look at differences, but connection must be made first in order to cultivate safety in the nervous systems of BOTH partners. This is an art form that requires tremendous patience, but the payoff is well worth it.

Stan Tatkin suggests a method called “catch and release” for anxious partners who have avoidant partners who seem to be “too distant.”

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What’s Good About Anger?

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What’s Good About Anger?

A different look at where anger comes from, and how to engage with it.

by Mike Thomas

Anger is a neurophysiological state that drives upholding boundaries. This is so often misunderstood, it’s nearing epidemic levels. Rage is unchecked anger. Anger is simply the feeling and impulse to protect when boundaries are threatened.

When anger is suppressed, or when it’s not acknowledged as the subtle awareness of a breached boundary (or about to be) internally, it can easily escalate into rage.

When rage happens, anger has been bypassed unconsciously in lack of awareness, or it has been suppressed, resulting in an amplification of that feeling.

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About Becoming a Conscious Leader

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About Becoming a Conscious Leader

When we begin to show up as a leader, we begin to have impact. We want to make a difference and we begin to develop the skills of social, emotional, and intellectual influence. This is power.

Many also, by the same token, begin to explore the skills of primal and sexual influence, some of it consciously, some not.

We may not want to take responsibility for it because we didn't ask for it. Because we didn't consent to it. Or perhaps it's because it's not our problem, because it's not something we chose. Or perhaps it's not something our "group" has been known to impact others with.

But we do choose to speak up into the world to make a difference.

THIS RIGHT NOW IS THE DIFFERENCE WE ARE MAKING IN PEOPLE'S LIVES, to speak up and be heard.

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The New Calling Out: Becoming the Leader We Actually Need

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The New Calling Out: Becoming the Leader We Actually Need

Calling out has been used to get the right people to LISTEN.

It's both a form of social signaling (to garner attention towards a problem) and a way to get attention from the person who NEEDS to listen to the impact they had on the speaker, or someone the speaker loves, 
or a community the speaker loves, 
or an ideology the speaker loves, 
or a philosophy the speaker loves.

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How I Rediscovered Platonic Touch As a Father, and How This Matters for the Consent Culture of Tomorrow

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How I Rediscovered Platonic Touch As a Father, and How This Matters for the Consent Culture of Tomorrow

This article was also posted on the Good Men Project.

You might have read articles about about how boys and men -- at least in the US if not in the western world -- are deprived of touch because of the scripts that narrowly define masculinity, manhood, what a man does and what a man wants (Here’s three: here, here, and here).

I, too, have experienced some version of it, and this is my story.

I grew up in Canada, a progressive country, in a progressive family. I went to schools that taught morals alongside catechism (students could pick either), personal development, and the social side of sex education (not just the biology). My parents never said to me “Be a man!”, never shamed me for crying (both of them cried in front of us), and never taught me and my sister the scripts of masculinity or femininity. If anything, they taught us what it looks like to be a family and making things work by doing the best we can and getting help when we couldn’t.

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9 Ways To Support Partners Who Are Survivors of Sexual Violence

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9 Ways To Support Partners Who Are Survivors of Sexual Violence

Sexual abuse and assault can happen to anyone. Most often, we hear about it happening between partners, but what is the best course of action when we hear that our partner was just assaulted or that they reveal to us that they have a history of trauma or abuse? For most couples, this is a challenging situation rife with triggers and hurt. This list is a simple way to begin the support process with a partner who needs it. Each item could be a blog post unto itself. If you require further support, please contact me or any other mental health professional directly.

Click the title to read more.

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How To Show Up For The #MeToo Movement

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How To Show Up For The #MeToo Movement

It seems like everywhere the #metoo movement is leaving men wondering what to do – which is not surprising given that men like to DO things. Sometimes, of course, the incessant doing of men can get in the way and camouflage a feeling of inadequacy or a need to get attention. However, there are men out there who are truly seeing how much work there is to do and are simply ready, willing, and (hopefully somewhat) able to take action, and just need a sense of direction. Because, while this article may be preaching to a choir of clear conscious healthy men (as opposed to their pale substitute, the Sensitive New Age Guy, or SNAG or other types – and then again, even conscious men are apparently committing assault), there’s a multitude of men who are just waking up and looking to make a responsible and healthy difference.

Click the title to read more!

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PODCAST: Emotional Intelligence - Ready For Love Radio

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PODCAST: Emotional Intelligence - Ready For Love Radio

Emotional Intelligence is one those things that can be really confusing – mainly because emotions are just so… confusing -- to those for whom emotional intelligence and empathy are skills they are developing. For many people, however -- and this is especially true of women who culturally are more likely to get the practice needed to develop emotional intelligence and empathy -- emotions are as easy to navigate as movement is easy to navigate to a dancer (who, incidentally, tend to be somatically intelligent). Mothers also often just feel what their children need in a way that is often mysterious to men. Women's Intuition is also a way that we sometimes refer to emotional intelligence and empathy. 

On this show, my friend Nikki and I will try to unravel some of the mysteries around emotions and emotional intelligence.  The questions we discuss are listed below.

Click the title for all the juicy details!

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CLASS: Fifty Shades of Yes: A class about collaborative co-created consent

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CLASS: Fifty Shades of Yes: A class about collaborative co-created consent

Recorded at the Hawaii Tantra Festival 2017

This recording begins about 1/3rd of the class in, after the initial connection exercises that involved walking around being a yes, a maybe, and a no (without specific actions required by the participants)

A lot of lessons can be learned when we can consider that someone's "yes" can change from moment to moment, and when we have to remain curious about someone's feelings, pace, desires and boundaries as time goes by. 

Click the title for all the juicy details.

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PODCAST: Evolved Masculine Podcast: Being "Unfuckwithtable" with Destin Gerek

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PODCAST: Evolved Masculine Podcast: Being "Unfuckwithtable" with Destin Gerek

In this episode, Destin Gerek and I discuss the path to becoming a leader. We dive deeply into discussions of Patriarchy and how it affects men as well as women. We discuss the "Unfuckwithable State" and the journey that they, as well as many men who are rewiring their programming surrounding masculinity, have gone through. Philippe speaks about connecting to the inner child and the inner animal, and how it can help with the practice of embodiment.

Click on the title to listen to the podcast.

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PODCAST: Attachment Theory - Ready for Love Radio

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PODCAST: Attachment Theory - Ready for Love Radio

I'm beyond excited to be on the show with the amazing Love Coach Nikki Leigh. Don't miss it! We'll be exploring attachment theory, various types of intelligence, the importance of touch in our lives and relationships and much more will be included in this podcast and my discussion with Nikki Leigh. It will be fun to see where we go with it!

Some of the other topics we'll discuss:

- What prompted me to get into a relationship and sex related field
- What is the main focus of my work
- The 7 intelligences that I've identified
- What is attachment theory?
- What are the types of attachment styles?
- How does this relate to a person’s relationship needs?

Join us on the journey!

Here's the link or click the image!

http://www.readyforloveradio.com/attachmenttheory/

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