YOU ARE ENOUGH
I know that (some of) you want me or a man or another person to tell you you are enough, to know what someone outside of you believes that you are perfect as you are, that you are worth it.
But it's not for me to say.
Because for too long, though stories tell of a better time before that, patriarchy has been in action to tell you when you are enough -- beautiful enough, hot enough, young enough, pretty enough, sexual enough, desirable enough, etc -- and when you are not. And because I am a man and though I would like to think I am a feminist and do well and don't play into the oppression of women, if nothing else my attractions at least somewhat matching the cultural norm of what seems to be hot and young and beautiful at the moment tell me I am still a part of the problem and not just a part of the solution.
Because of that, it's not for me to say that you are enough.
See, if your self-worth was based on my answer, it would mean that when my words and actions are playing into the oppression of women, they also play into your degree of self-worth, and I don't want that. What I want for you is worth that relates in no way to what I say, couldn't care less about what I think, finds my answers to that question completely irrelevant. For I want your self-worth to be SELF-generated, not OTHER-generated, not generated from those who are part of the privileged group who oppress you.
I want your self-worth to be yours and yours only.
And to reach that I want to support you, personally, to feel your worth not because I am a man and I tell you that you are as a woman, but because I know you as the fullness of you (or as much as I can), as someone I love fully, as someone who is amazing in more ways than I can count, who is perfect as you are and as you are not. I want you to know that I see and feel and drink of your essence and reflect it right back to you so that you KNOW yourself even better.
And so because I reflected you back to you with love
Just like that, you will KNOW that you are enough.
And that I love you.
Philippe Lewis is a Love Coach, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Trained Somatica Practitioner, and Epic Event Producer. For the last 18 years, he has been exploring love, relationships, intimacy, sensuality and sexuality with individuals and communities through teaching, writing, coaching and (sexy) events with the goal of growing men and women into better lovers and better humans. He is a father, a lover, a partner, a husband, a teacher, a producer, a writer, a social artist, a coach, a counselor, and much more. His love for life is as diverse as his love and sex life itself!