by Philippe Lewis

This article about (somatic) balance between dance partners perfectly reflects what happens between people with secure and insecure attachment styles. 


Secure people constantly create emotional balance for those who are insecure, and as such they *stabilize* insecure people, making them feel as if they are secure and secure -- but the truth is that they are still insecure. 

On the journey of developing a secure attachment style, while it can be good to have secure anchors around us so we're not constantly struggling, it's important to go out and practice without training wheels. 

A Repeated Pattern

If nothing else, this can be a perfect reason for some people to have an open relationship, engaging with others while having a stable base to go back to whether things do or don't work out with the loves/friends/etc. This form of anchoring/exploration is not only a common pattern with children, the pattern can also continue as layers after layers of insecurities are shed in later years. 

But people don't only do it with lovers or attachment figures, they also do it with jobs, friends, communities, even dreams/projects. They find emotional anchors, use them for (emotional) stability, then venture from there, sometimes spending stretches of time alone to feel into their own balance (with often great difficulty or fear and aloneness), and sometimes running from anchor to anchor. People with an anxious attachment style will often do the latter while people with an avoidant attachment style will do the former. 

Not Just For Insecure People

And, anchoring/attaching and exploring is not something that only insecure people do; secure people also use this very effectively to empower themselves. They know that being a team is good for everyone in it, that it creates emotional stability and also allows for things like groups and communities to flourish and cause big change in the world. 

Do You Want Emotional Stability For Yourself?

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by Philippe Lewis

Philippe Lewis is a Love Coach, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Trained Somatica Practitioner, and Epic Event Producer. For the last 18 years, he has been exploring love, relationships, intimacy, sensuality and sexuality with individuals and communities through teaching, writing, coaching and (sexy) events with the goal of growing men and women into better lovers and better humans. He is a father, a lover, a partner, a husband, a teacher, a producer, a writer, a social artist, a coach, a counselor, and much more. His love for life is as diverse as his love and sex life itself!